Check out his phone-savvy before the first meet.  A phone convo with a man you’re thinking of meeting can be reassuring.  Or it can be the bleeping warning that a face to face would be so much less entertaining than staying home watching a Friends rerun.

With or without the monkey.

Read the stories of guys without a clue. All are true and culled from friends' experiences.

The guy was past intense. Ten seconds into our very first phone conversation, he asked why my marriage broke up. I couldn’t hang up fast enough, but had to stay on a few more minutes making nice.



“Well, would you like to meet?” he asked after about twenty minutes on the phone. I told him sure. “Good," he said. "But let’s do a drive-by.” “What’s that?” I asked, dreading the answer. “Oh, a quickie meet. Ten minutes. Twenty tops.That way there’s no risk, nothing invested. A quick cup of coffee. No fuss, no muss.” I told him there was someone at my door and I’d call him back. He's still waiting.
Yup, we were meeting for a glass of wine and he called that afternoon. He thought coffee was a better idea. “I’m just not into the bar scene,” he said. Since when is meeting over a glass of wine the bar scene? I think coffee meets are pretty lame but I agreed. The worst part was that he ended up cancelling after all. In an e-mail.

He made a joke on the phone. I didn’t laugh.  ”Oh, you didn’t think that was funny,” he said. ”I’m laughing on the inside,” I said. The conversation pretty much died after that.


John is a musician and a salesman. Except he hasn’t worked in over a year.  He’s looking. Meanwhile he’s supporting himself with band gigs, playing guitar. “I’m holding it together, play most Fridays and Saturdays. I hope you’ll come out and see me. Got a pen?” And he lists the venues for the next three weeks.  I pretend-grab my agenda book, and since we're on the phone, it's easy to fake writing down all the dates. Well, no risk on his part, right? He can sit on stage, play his guitar, and look cool. While looking me over. Nice.

An hour we talked. Hit it off. Told me about his business, his kids, his exercise routine and asked me questions about myself, so it wasn’t one-sided. Just when I figured he’d ask about meeting, he told me he didn’t think we had a connection. My mouth was still hanging open when he hung up.